Sunday, September 04, 2011

Things I Want This Year

For various reasons this year, the mermaid is going minimal. That's never helpful with a birthday coming up, because that's when gifts start to materialize out of wherever. So without much adieu, here is a list of things I would much rather have than knickknacks and doodads:

A baby elephant or a rhino (or both! they can play together!)
This is one of the best-run, most successful animal rescue operations in Africa and my heart goes out to these animals who are often orphaned when their parents are shot and mutilated by poachers. Drought also leaves many small elephants homeless and helpless. If you’re going to get me anything this year, please adopt me a baby elephant who needs love from the True North.

Hey wait, there are people in Africa right?
Yes indeed. One of the worst crises to hit Africa - and that’s saying something - has left thousands of people without food, water and shelter. There’s no need for this, we produce and indeed waste enough to feed the entire world comfortably. This is a man-made environmental and social crisis and we all need to pitch in and help out. If you’re reading this before September 16th, the government of Canada will match your donation. That's for any eligible charity. I'm partial to Unicef and Doctors Without Borders. Both organizations are already on the ground and have a strong record of spending wisely.

And people here at home Stella is an amazing organization that provides emergency health and legal advice to sex workers in Montreal. These people, most of them women, are at particular risk for assault and murder, and often due to the nature of their work, cannot access legal recourse or even immediate help from police and emergency responders. They are also at risk for contracting HIV, Hepatitis C and other STIs but do not always have the same access to health care as other Canadians.

Those are the biggies. There are plenty more causes out there that do excellent work and need help, but these three are close to my heart. If you’re of a mind to give me something tangible, please keep it to a consumable. Here are some lovely things missing from my life right now:

Sazerac Rye Whiskey (so I can make these oh yums)
Kraken Rum
Kaboom! Bath Bombs
MOAR cloud storage!

In the next little while, I’ll further discuss the Great Purge that’s about to take place in my black coral castle. In the meanwhile, be generous. Be lovely.

Monday, June 13, 2011

I Fell - Stitches Out Edition

Breaking news: my stitches are out! I've been using staircases, sitting properly in chairs, even bending down to reach the bottom shelves and drawers occasionaly! Yep, it's been pretty real.

For those last few wound voyeurs out there who just can't get enough of my sexay sexay knee opening, here's what it looked like right after the stitches came out,

and here's what it looked like as of about 10 minutes ago when those bandage things came off:

It's been a wild ride folks. All I can say is thanks again to magical Ben who speeded to the rescue and stayed up late in emergency with me. Thanks to the emergency room staff and md. Holla to my peeps @work who said 'whoa!' and 'dude!'

No thanks whatsoever to the city of Montreal. You just cost the province a bunch in emergency room treatments. Fix the friggin sidewalk!

Thursday, June 09, 2011

I Fell - Update

Some of you crazy folks out there have actually asked for more pictures of my mangled knee. I absolutely can't imagine why, but I have more to do with my time than contemplate the motives of wound voyeurs.

So here it is, my knee one week after my fateful tumble on a Notre Dame sidewalk. Stitches come out on Monday (if you're reading this in the future, that's four days from now)

Thursday, June 02, 2011

I Fell

I Fell.

This isn’t a story about getting swindled by some fast-talking con artist, or falling for some guy’s lame line at a bar. It’s not about falling in love, as good a story as that might be. It’s not even about losing grace and tumbling out of heaven.

It’s about me walking home from work last night. I tripped on this thing,

and I fell.

After diving headfirst into asphalt, I started to get up, thinking, oh man, this is embarrassing. But I couldn’t get all the way up, so I scooted back to the grass median, away from the curb. I realized that my knee was bleeding and I wouldn’t be able to get up and keep going.

I put a maxi pad on it to absorb the blood – thanks Always! – and tied up the toggle on my skater shorts to keep pressure on it. It was tying the knot (again, not a love story) that made me realize I couldn’t properly grip anything or move my right arm without tremendous pain. So with my left hand, I called my huny to come and get me. Ben, you’re the best. (It’s like the Bodyguard, except we’re real people!) I waited for him on the ground right here:

Five hours later, 3 different people at the emergency room – the admittig nurse, the orderly and the x-ray tech – had all looked impressed at the huge gash on my knee, flecks of yellow fat and black asphalt and thick red blood and said, ‘good job!’

After irrigating 4 times and using tweezers to clean out the cut, my knee looked like this:

Now I’m getting back up.

Bending my knee to walk properly gives me a sickening feeling of tearing flesh, so getting out to the cab last night made me walk a lot like this guy:

I still couldn’t grip properly with my right hand, or lift my arm, so I ate a late meal when I got home a lot like this lady would:

I slept in my shirt and pj bottoms because moving my arm to change was impossible. A humid day before plus night in and no showering because the dressing would get wet, made me spend a lot of today looking and feeling like this lady:

Which sucked, so I had a bath to at least get a good rinse. Then I tried to get out of the tub on a bad knee, with a bad arm. That made me feel like this:

But once I made it out, I felt much better and even got some more motion in my arm. My dressing got pretty soggy, so I had to change it. Right now, my knee looks like this:

Today, my biggest accomplishment was getting a proper sling for my arm and walking as far as the pharmacy to get it. Being able to do so little – even having emails and blogs typed for me as I dictate - is a huge, frustrating hassle. So I’m spending the rest of today and probably tonight like this guy:

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Paranoid election coverage in 3 ..2...

Post-holiday grudge match interrupted to bring you my paranoid musings on the recent decision regarding usage based billing, UBB in Canada. On the surface, the decision seems strange considering the usual position taken by the Harper government on issues of technology and net neutrality. But they do have something to gain.

1. The copyright issue in Canada has long been a thorn in the side of Harper conservatives. Not just the Act itself, but the sheer passion and publicity with which opposition to proposed changes was voiced. The people who care about DRM, media shifting, Mashups and new business innovation are likely the same folks who are pissed about UBB. The conservatives stand to gain by making nice.

2. By coming out on the side of consumer protections, the Harper conservatives stand to appear to be less in the pocket of major corporate donors as previously surmised. They still are, but shifting the focus from oil to the internet is smart. One is sexy, the other is just not.

3. This subtly proves the point that governing bodies like the CRTC don’t work and should be done away with. This is step one in a ‘we don’t need you anymore’ move on the part of our current minority government to abolish a Canadian regulator. That doesn’t just please officials who believe in small government, it pleases Telcos immensely.

I’m sure there are more, but on the surface, these three points have me convinced that the whole thing was an orchestrated attack on the CRTC from our government itself. Why? Well, when we compare the outcome of a nuclear regulator advising the government that a site had to shut down and other whistleblower stories to the current situation; and when we consider the heavy-handedness with which the current PMO controls other offices, I can’t imagine the initial decision was taken without Harper being involved somehow. I can’t prove and I’m not going to waste time trying. It’s just the most believable story in my head right now.

Personally, I disagree with many decisions by the CRTC, and I agree with many others. Rather than work to make it irrelevant, I’d rather make it robust, bolster its independence.

It’s February, the time of planning and looking forward to spring. If there is an election this year, let’s give Parliament – and the CRTC – a much needed makeover.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Me versus Everything: Post Holiday Grudge Match - Round 3

Round 3 - Wednesday

Router not under warranty, lunch hour wasted @ store E1

Huny buys new router – new brand, new everything - at other store. M1

New router pricey, hopefully worth it. E1

Still no textbooks. E1

Monday class has one additional book to buy that I didn’t know about until now. E1

Jeweller recommended by friend refuses to repair pendant, suggests I mail it back to original designer. E1

Birks, wonderful, glorious Birks accepts repair for reasonable (small I think, but I have no basis of comparison) fee and agrees to have it done by early next week. M1

Impromptu date with huny. So exotic! Not @home, not in our hood. mmmmm M1

Three hours setting up new router, instructions impossible due to error in step 3. Worst: no phone number, only online chat support. Online support only. For a router. Which you need in order to...sigh. E1

Router set up and working. Wifi! M1

iTunes won’t index some of my fav music files, carried mp3 player & iPod touch around E1

Second round score: Me : 4 Everything : 7

Me versus Everything: Post Holiday Grudge Match - Round 2

Round 2 - Tuesday

Insurance company fixes allergy serum, covered. M1

Wifi still not working, plugged in on living room floor. E1

Office still a complete shambles, aside from plant. E1

Plant disaster tidied, green saved, watered, kitties disapproved of for misbehaving. M1

(Once again, this M is really my sweetie who took care of the plant for me. My contribution included disapproving of our frenetic and often nonsensical felines. Teamwork!)

Post office open, package picked up M1

Package wasn’t textbooks, will be behind in classes by next week. E1

Back still all hurty, didn’t sleep well. E1

Still can’t get online lectures working. E1

Beautiful pendant (holiday gift) breaks when I take off my coat. E1

Second round score: Me : 3 Everything : 5

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Me versus Everything: Post Holiday Grudge Match - Round 1

Round 1 - Monday
Allergy serum finally ready, not covered. E 1

Bags and accoutrements unpacked and put away M1

Kitchen disaster area cleaned, neatened, wiped, perfect. M1

(technically this M is actually my sweetie. He did the kitchen while I unpacked and did the bathroom.)

Bathroom kitty fur, dust (gross wet bathroom dust) free, mat & towels washed, counters organized M1

Router still not working, forums say this brand is lousy and I’m now a believer. No wifi @ home, must plug laptop into short wire and work on living room floor. E1

Back hurts from earlier injury, exasperated by working on floor. E1

Online classes have additional hidden fees E1

Online lectures not streaming due to faulty internet setup E1

First round score: Me : 3 Everything : 5

Me Versus Everything

Yes, yes, alright. It’s been forever since I posted last and things are pretty good in my little pond. I had a truly enjoyable winter holiday, spent mooching around the west coast, accomplishing almost nothing, luxuriating in other people’s cooking and generally wishing for an extra week of no work or school to attend to.

As such, I knew the inevitable re-entry to my stupid...I mean, exhilarating 300 kph life would involve a healthy dose of friction. And it did indeed. I’ve had one helluva week and it’s only getting started. So in the in the fine tradition of bloggers everywhere, let me get my EMO on and set the tone for this year with a series of blog posts entitled: Me Versus Everything.

Happy New Year.