Saturday, September 12, 2009

so many penetrations in one mashup...

Oh thank you Mashable for bringing this to me...

Okay, I don't even know where to begin with this one, so I'll start with what feels right: in my world, DP doesn't stand for 'digital protection'. It stands for two large, thick, smooth, sweaty meat-sticks in one tight, wet orifice at once. Hilarity and money shots ensue.

So if you're an anti-piracy sponsor, maybe you wanna go less with the ripped-shirt, wench-ravishing type of pirate to come down on. So to speak. Otherwise your message will get lost in the endless cycle of penetrating the market and the withdrawing from your customers only to once more plunge your next products deep into the tight, eager openings of your all too frantic, desperate consumers.

Particularly when it's all too easy to envision a top-level executive, not-very-artistic type sticking one in the artist and another in the consumer at the same time. Too right on the money?

It always gets dirty with me.

Next, bear in mind that when you make something that looks like a Mashup or 'remix', it could give off the impression that you're okay with people using your content in order to make mashups. Keep it clear folks. Also, you're not good at it, nor are the people you hired to do it. This makes your argument not only r-rated, but hilarious. We can't take you seriously with DP The Barely Mixed Mashup as your spokesperson.

The rapper featured in the middle only serves to reinforce my main belief about pirating artworks: artists do not suffer from expanding their audience. I share music with friends and when I first learned about lots of the artists I'm into, I was shown their work. For free. By passionate, enthusiastic, even zealous people who's mission is to promote artists and their work. For free. You're welcome.

You're misrepresenting artists in this way as well, and that I find far more personally offensive than full-on double-anal, double-vaginal, double-oral christmas turkey gonzo porn. The artists I know and care about never lose their careers over having their work shared. They never get careers because archaic gateway music companies don't care about anything unless it's saleable at the outset, which means pop music owned and controlled by them instead of original, creative works that only garner a small but committed audience. Jazz musicians are only famous to other jazz musicians and they are usually delighted when you meet them after a show and tell them about the person who made you listen to their cd.

Finally, a kid saying oops when mom springs into action on the swat team? All hail mom, first of all. You give them what for with that wooden spoon. It's not like a gross mis-representation of women and the police will harm your credibility by putting that in a video. As for the kid? She'll soon be in college with a Kindle and find herself explaining to her prof why her coursepacks disappeared because Amazon can't keep their heads on straight. The other kids who shared information from torrent sites will all be prepared for higher-learning and passing on great works to even more people.

Don't worry though; the CDI college ad you put in the middle of the video can show her how to build her skills towards a career, and we all know in this day and age how likely it is for an artist with a technical certificate to get lucrative contracts and even full-time job offers. If it were me, I'd totally rock my programming skills hardcore to be a low-level tech-support IT person in a dilbert-scented office building instead of getting famous for my music, book and video mashups while I dj on the side. No question dude!

Oh Software and Information Industry Association. Even you must have a person with at least 5 out of 10 people skills who could look at this video and suggest you don't release it because you're only going to get pantsed and pointed at by the kids who actually know how to use the Software and Information from your Industry.

Until you figure it out too, stick with single-penetration. Get the basics down first before it's Christmas Turkey gonzo time.

1 comment:

Protagitron said...

Well, I know my legs are crossed.

I say let the Software and Information Industry Association make stupid ads. They'll only undercut their case and have kids logging on to the Pirate Bay* in droves if only so they don't seem so desperately, desperately lame.

Anyway, I like to see all this as a form of creative destruction.

Dilbert-sceneted. Hee.

*Pending the court case, y'know.