Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sawdust to Sawdust

Clumsy Slumber

So again here we find ourselves on the short end of the splinter. The great juggernaut has lumbered across our nation with a small nod to the now only technical certainty that we are sovereign over ourselves. We have a catchier name than Honduras, but that’s really about it. I abdicate guys. The Northwest Passage? Take it. It’s fuck yours. If I could wrap it in a bow, or present some kind of plaque, I would. You want to melt some glaciers for bottled water and fountains in Las Vegas? Done. Get on up there with an ice-pick, and we’ll herd the seals away for free.

I’ve had a problem with Harper since the inception of the fictitious party he began and a problem with the public ever since they decided to pretend to agree with him for a while just to punish the Liberals who haven’t been able to summon leadership or skills at all since Pierre. I voted for the Bloc because Gilles has always seemed to me to be a shit disturber and he fucking went along with this nonsense! I’ve fucking had it with these people.

Harper just gave not America, not our neighbors, not our mutual industry, not ourselves, but the Bush-run Republican Party 500 million dollars in a spectacular mid-term fixup. I can’t even imagine what they’ll need in November 2008. Not only did he concede our position on softwood lumber that was sanctioned by international law at a time in which the United States doesn’t seem to be able to afford to argue any longer, he put it in an escrow fund that the White House can access directly. Curious George can now be seen in adult versions of peek-a-boo on the lush, green Hustler banana-xxx-plantation media spectacular. I can only pray he wears more than a loincloth.

We have a long history of screwing ourselves in the ear when it comes to international relations. We have a habit of moving over and graciously turning the other cheek while next door the screaming and late-night toga parties get louder and louder. We are seen in some circles as the voice of reason, as those who set examples, and make our own mistakes. We refused to send anyone to Vietnam, and when Nixon blew his wad on the creepiest, shadiest theft he could manage, we calmly let the dust settle and started up deals with the next guy.

This time we’re in it. We’ve fucked internally with the political process of another country. I’m not na├»ve enough to think we haven’t done it in the past, but this is public, and this is stupid. We as a nation can claim a certain intelligence or better put, we have been able until recently to claim a certain intelligence. We’ve not only ruined the economic value and indeed the bargaining position of an entire industry, we have taken the funds in question and donated it to a private cause, by-passing the international laws and customs, the internal laws and customs of both our countries and the goodwill of citizens the continent over. And for what? So that Stevie and George can play together that much longer in rooms full of our toys and games. This is a victory for no-one. The House up here and the House down there will observe this nonsensical exchange and deem the deal illegal and insulting. The oil executives who sit quietly back wondering how long it will be before they need to annexe us too will get only encouragement here to by-pass the lawmakers and meet directly with landowners and Klein’s crew.

The deal is done. The cheque is written, and the screaming has not yet begun. The pigs again are lumbering towards the trough, their giant trotters crushing the capital and scraping out great gouges in the Ottawa valley. I can only hope that I am safe here, in the other place in Canada, where they fear the language barrier, and observe the jellied pigs-head feasts brought yearly into the streets where we slickly swallow. I hope they get lost on the way when the road signs change to French and steering over our potholes becomes a slaloming je-ne-sais-quois. I hope that they observe for only a short time and decide we have nothing they want. They are not welcome here, and until a way is found to block or renege on this deal, my border is closed to the bacon backs.


orangelina said...

you're my hero.
where did said money come from, i wonder? i kinda figured that if we had some change to spare it might be a nice idea to properly equip our troops zipping around afghanistan on lawn mowers armed with potato guns.
i'm usually wrong about this type of stuff though.
oh well.

Freshwater Mermaid said...

Direct from the industry sweet Tangerina. The lumber CEOs are grieving like Arrow engineers. They paid the illegal tarrifs invented out of sheer fantasy, so the only upside to this is that now the Conservatives appear to be robbing our own economy rather than taxpayers directly. Much like offering cheques to families instead of implementing universal daycare only much more menacing.
Jerks. And fuck no-one is screaming about this but me!